Thanks for coming to reVisions. Here is where creative and adventurous people full of wanderlust come to connect with themselves. Welcome!
You’ve done all the right things.
But there is still a sense that something is missing.
You’re single…Family worrying, “how are you going to make it on your own?
Watching your friends get married, and thinking “will that ever happen for me” or “why is that not me.”
You are not alone.
Listen. My mother was born a Singleton, then became a Gourdine. I was born a Gourdine, and I am a singleton by choice. The living has not always been easy. So, I got into relationships I knew would not work because being able to say “I have a boyfriend” or “I’m dating someone” was so much easier than answering questions about why I didn’t or wasn’t. But doing that only made it worse. Self-doubt moved in: What am I doing wrong? Am I missing out? When I get older will I regret my choice? There was nothing wrong me and guess what?
There’s nothing wrong with you.
After yet another #fail set-up blind date fiasco, a really good friend said to me “every girl wants the fairy tale, and you’ll get yours”. I wanted to say “do I Look like Snow White to you!?” But instead I said, “I know. My prince will come.” A few months later, at the rink, one of the six-year old girls I figure skate with asked me, “Miss Angeletta, why aren’t you married?” I replied “well Isabella, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs”. At our next ice skating competition, after my successful freeskate, other girls threw flowers, but Bella threw a stuffed frog. I promptly placed it in the rear window of my car. A tradition had begun. Soon my back window was cluttered with stuffed frogs. Backing out of the driveway some time later, I realized those frogs were blocking my view.
Whoa! New story! No princes. No more frogs.
Single is not a disease, it is a lifestyle.
I wanted to scream this out loud, mass text it to everyone in my life. Instead, I started a business. I wanted you to know that you could write your own relationship story, set your own rules, set your own expectations. The life that’s passing you by is the joy you can have right now.
I know. It’s scary. But know what is scarier? Letting desperation drive you to settle and wake up later only to realize that your family is happy, your friends too, but you are not. So why not get your happy, find your joy, and let that lead you into the kind of relationship that works for you. Just think, you can find happily ever after through building a strong and intimate relationship WITH yourself.
For the past 20 years, I’ve been a university professor, and most of what I do happens over tea or in office hours, when students share their struggles. We start with this class or that, but always end up at “what am I doing?” During one such moment, a conversation about balancing marriage and school, guilt about prioritizing self-advancement, something strange happened. In a voice more prophetic than flattering, she said, “you’re not just a professor, you’re a life coach”. It seems, my witty quip I just want you to be the best you you can be was actually a statement of purpose. I reflected over my career and realized that all of my work, in classrooms and out, has been about getting people to set intentions for their lives, to anchor themselves in their values, and honor their desires in their lives (and for the students, yes, fulfill my assignments too). When I spent 5 months in Shanghai, China, sharing the literature I love, experiencing a culture unlike any I’d ever encountered, and figure skating on the 6th floor of a mall, I was the most aware of myself I’d ever been, In China I was free of expectations and living according to my own rules.
My student was right!
I am not just a professor. I am also a figure skater, amateur photographer, foodie, travel fanatic, and lover of all things new (read tech geek). I am all these things at the same time, and each helps me be better at the other. Refusing to give up any one, I took all of these layers to IPEC and became a Certified Professional Coach and an Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner. And now I am here to tell you: you have to get to know yourself, celebrate who you are, live your best life joyfully and honestly single, as the love of your life. From here, any relationship you enter will flourish, and you will move through your live happily ever after.
I’m not selling you a bridge in Brooklyn. Being single can be daunting, but what I do know is that when you revise those old storybook stereotypes that say singleness is just a stage, you will find yourself in a life that is interesting and rewarding, meet yourself on new ground and introduce her to the world in a way that says confidence lives here. Sure, I am still trying to figure out how I can get out of the Single supplement on cruises but, honey, I am a superhero. The “S” on my chest is “singleness” and my superpowers include motivating, inspiring, and empowering you to lead with your values, live with intention, and be the best you you can be. I am looking forwarding to empowering you to embrace singleness, shed should, create the joy you want, and be the love of your life. Are you ready? Then, hit me up!
cue Estelle (featuring Janelle Monáe) “Do My Thing”
Fade to Fabulous